It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
