i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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