I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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