So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
