Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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