I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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