when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
