goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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