hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
