I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize