I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
