I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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