What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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