she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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