im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
