you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
