I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
