Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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