and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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