i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
