i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
