my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
