erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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