call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
