Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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