Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Randomize
