also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
