I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
