i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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