Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hippo gnu deer
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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