Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
