I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
