I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
