the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
