didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize