Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
