Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
