Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Randomize
