zippers are such a cool invention
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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