Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
