absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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