Do you still have your period?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
