I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
