A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
