You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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