is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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