I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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