pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
