Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
