i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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