I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
