also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
