this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
