don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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