I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
