A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
