I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sorry about my life...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
