My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
