So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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