my sisters under your porch take her home
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
