thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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