We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
