i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
