Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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