we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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