Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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