You're completely useless in the revolution.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
