You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
