I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
