We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
