I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
