I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
that's an acceptable place to lick
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
