I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
