is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Alive.
So much puke
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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