he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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